Blog

Spiritual journey continued…a surprise!

Well hello to all~ from different religions, cultures, LBGQT+ and anything else that we may be different in.

We are all on a journey and mine is not unique I can finally honestly say yet it is because we were all made different, think different, act different etc.

As my journey continues I felt led to reread some old journals I wrote circa 2005. It was a time in my life I was content with my belief system and it brought me back to realizing that I actually am Catholic in the universal sense.

I have decided to become an activist within the Catholic Church. Not quite sure what this will look like in the future but God has never let me down. Additionally, I forgive the Church for her missteps throughout the years. I have always had deep love and respect for the Church minus the shame, so here I am. Yay go me.

I am still studying alchemy, the healing power of crystals and learning how to be an empowered empath, all while being Catholic. Doesn’t seem like it can get better but God is full of surprises so who knows what amazing things the future holds?

peace, love and joy and light to all

Michelle

The healing power of crystals~

Tonight, I cleansed and activated a quartz formation crystal and used it to clear some negative thought patterns. Amazing results so far.

I discovered crystals a month ago. I have been around them my whole life but didn’t realize their healing powers or recognize their energy to draw from.

I am amazed and as I usually do I am really digging in and getting to know more about them. I took a class last night by Nicholas Pearson and bought his book Crystal Basics available on Amazon. It is a great value for such important and timely information.

Tonight, I cleansed and activated a quartz formation crystal and used it to clear some negative thought patterns. Amazing results so far.

Allow me to explain. For as long as the sun rises since my birth really, I have held onto mistakes or missteps that are negative. I play these scripts through my head every day and there is a lot of them. One involved me giving directions wrongly to a woman 20 years ago. I did still feel bad but have now released it and don’t remember why this bothered me so much.

I am asking for crystals for my birthday. I am 50 and feel like this has been a huge year for me in so many ways. I have again left my childhood faith and embarked on a alchemical and now crystal journey and also discovered this year that I am an empath with mainly people but also animals and all of mother nature.

Thinking about it Al-chemically here is the breakdown of my 50 years of being alive. Wait not ready for that, let’s say that looking at my first year being 50.

Physical- have lost 35 pounds in a year, have some physical limitations, started a strength training workout at home program which kicks my butt and lots of walking and yoga…

Mental- I have a serious mental health disorder, which is under control with medicine and supplements. I have done therapy which I have not found particularly helpful except for my grief therapist for anticipatory grief with my dad. The thought of him dying leaves me numb still but have processed a lot and no longer suffer as much.

Spiritual- left the Catholic church to the shock of many. Began my alchemy studies, embracing the Source of all that is good and discovered crystals for their healing powers.

A good year but many changes. Didn’t mention the pandemic but it has affected me greatly as well but too much to write about.

peace love and joy,

Michelle

This powerful force I call God~

I wonder though if a first class relic in my possession is bringing us good health and fortune.

He doesn’t always interfere, He allows me much freedom, all the freedom I want except in various parts of my life.

I cannot begin to describe how I know God exists. He has touched down so many times in my life that I just couldn’t list them all because there have been so many times.

I ran rampant as a teenager and He protected me from so much and still does and I know He always will.

I haven’t had to ask lately what He wants from me. I know and do it happily for the most part.

Mundane tasks, mixed with fun, naps, exercise, good hygiene, deep spiritual talks with certain people, time with my pets and those of others, sleep at a regular time, not to spend money.

I am attracting money right now. I send this out to all who are struggling. Put out in the universe your needs and do all in your power to make good choices and watch it come to fruition.

I wonder though if a first class relic in my possession is bringing us good health and fortune. I was going to give it to a church, but thinking will keep it. It a piece of the bone of St. Philomena, a virgin martyr from the 300’s. Priceless. Powerful. I still believe in the power of Mary and the saints but prefer these days to talk directly to God. He doesn’t answer back but is always guiding me, directing me when I ask and helping out with many things.

This may sound childish, but I still blame God when things go awry, from my shoelace coming untied to my earbuds getting stuck and falling out of my ear. I have been told I am an old soul and an empath. I agree with the empath part but feel so young in my studies of God. To blame God for my day not going perfectly just doesn’t seem to be something that an old soul would do.

Hard to grasp!

I have studied many religions and find them all fascinating but when they get to the part that to practice their religion fully is to deny that other religions may be right, I lose interest. I believe Jesus is the way, but there are many ways that Jesus presents Himself in our lives.

I would like a spiritual mentor. Just fired mine but she doesn’t know it yet. I need more than just being told to inventory negative thoughts.

I release them now quite successfully. More peace, more time to do things seemingly unimportant. But it is all relative I suppose.

peace, love and joy

Michelle

Musings of the night…

I want to occupy my thoughts on God and His wonderful plan for me and my family, friends and heck the whole world to those who are ready to receive His many blessings.

I put things out there and if they are meant to be they surface.

I seem to attract money, which is cool, but we used to be poor so it is hard to spend money these days. I have need of nothing except grandchildren and a jacuzzi. Don’t know if I will get either.

Life is not about money though.

Been doing really well with releasing negative thoughts. Everytime they arise I just think, I am releasing and now they are gone before they occupy any space in my head.

I want to occupy my thoughts on God and His wonderful plan for me and my family, friends and heck the whole world to those who are ready to receive His many blessings.

I don’t believe in luck, nor coincidence; although it is tempting to relinquish these thoughts I hold of it all being about God and His plan for all who are good.

peace, love an joy

Michelle

The meaning of life…

I dream of the day when I can enter the spiritual world easier. It’s always there though. As I live and breathe, God is closer than my every breath. He is in me; He is in all of us…

Life has many meanings but for me the meaning of life is connecting with God, the Source of all that is good.

This can be done in multiple ways I have discovered.

It can occur in the quiet of my evenings, or any time of the day. It is a deep sigh of gladness and quiet reflection on the Giver of life.

On the properties of God which I can’t begin to understand or explain.

Unending, unfathomable, unmoving, omnipotent, omnipresent. And who am I but a mere mortal trying to relay a tiny bit of the appreciation I have for God and the life He has given us all.

Here I set my intention for the month of September- positive energy, no complaining, only good vibes this month and every month because that is what I choose for my life. Negativity will be avoided and as situations arise, I will look to God for solutions that are practical and trustworthy.

Reaching God isn’t always easy to do but for me it is like a muscle that grows each time I touch in with Him. Sometimes it takes effort that I don’t always have, sometimes it is through a kind deed on my part or the offering from someone else, perhaps a story that reflects the love of God or nature finds. Also in my animals God has chosen to continue to breathe life.

So much to ponder!

I dream of the day when I can enter the spiritual world easier. It’s always there though. As I live and breathe, God is closer than my every breath. He is in me; He is in all of us…

I consider the perfect position of our planet. Any closer to the sun and we’d all be fried chicken, any further we’d be frozen entrees. Perfection in creation, even if it seems like it is all falling apart.

There is a plan I believe, not that we were made by accident but by design. Any architect attests to the importance of a plan at every stage. I consider my garden and my blooming Echinacea purpurea. Slow, gentle unfolding of a beautiful flower. It’s taking all week to bloom, still green but opening all the same. Strong healthy leaves to support the many blooms upcoming.

I dream that I can reach God somehow, not a ladder but an entry point where I think of nothing else, but so many distractions to getting lost in God- my phone, the dishes, the endless paperwork etc… but trying to turn every moment of my day into a spiritual experience would be difficult for even the most advanced spiritual practioner.

And it would be tiring.

Quite often when I am on the higher plane, God causes me to crash back down. I remember being in heaven (figuratively) in Italy in 2015 at a pilgrimage at San Giovanni Rotondo, the home place of the in corrupt body of Padre Pio. I was soaring in the spiritual realm, being near his body in prayer for hours. Will share full experience in another blog as it deserves it. But after, when I was floating away it felt, a taxi cab driver ripped us off and I was scared because I didn’t know if we would ever get back to our apartment. Things like this happen all the time.

Anyone have any suggestions for how to come back to the earth we abide in without such shock?

peace love and joy

Michelle

What is life?

Each day we each wake up with the same 24 hours- to do or not to do many things. What did you accomplish today that you are proud of?

Life is interesting for sure. We can be spectators or we can be a part of things; it is our choice. But what is the essence of life?

Alive, free to stumble or soar…

vida in spanish. la vida

Very important the life we have each and every one of us on this planet and beyond…

Life is precious because the Source of all life wishes it so.

Each day we each wake up with the same 24 hours- to do or not to do many things. What did you accomplish today that you are proud of?

I am proud of my day and am ending it on a good note.

Quiet meditation, relaxing music, candles, prayers, positive thoughts surround me tonight.

I am at peace.

I am no longer strangled by the limits of religion.

I am set free to soar and I feel like I am flying.

I’m not even high.

I appreciate life so much because I have not always wanted to live; in fact I was suicidal when a teen and even recently due to a mental health disorder and addiction issues mixed with marital stress, job stress, money stress. And now it has all gone away.

We think or at least I do, that one phase of my life will last forever, but it never does. It is good right now and I’ll take this breather from dramas that often afflict me. all is well, everything is sound.

Don’t know if this blog is of interest to anybody else but it is cathartic to me to write and share all I find on the way, but that would be way too many blogs to write every way I see and feel God. We relax in the heart of God, because it is safe there, even when the rest of the world is at odds.

So life for me is everything and I hope I live a long time because I have much to do but the day He calls me home I will be happy too~ to finally meet this wonderful Creator of heaven and earth…

Peace, love and joy,

Write anytime javnmich@gmail.com

Michelle

p.s. I hugged a tree today, a really big tree! Lives embracing…

show must go on~

I must go on forgiving myself. Stop pleasing the world. Stop apologizing. Stop now.

i haven’t been my usual giving self lately

I believe in God but am still shamed into believing that I am not good enough on many levels. I must let this go. now, now now

I don’t know the alchemical process this involves. I am doing all I can to be complete, physical, mental and spiritual.

I can’t let go that I am not the worse sinner to ever live.

I could list a litany of infractions, dishonesty being at the top.

I am a people pleaser and when I think of it try to be a God pleaser. But it gets tiring.

Today was one of those days. Tried to pump up some enthusiasm for my adult daughter’s tic toc video of us making goat’s milk soap, lavender with petals for relaxation and scrubbing, and also cinnamon coffee oatmeal kind as well.

It is a very relaxing process and the result yields many months of good smelling soap.

This is my physical alchemy for the day.

Mental- took a long walk with a friend at the park, good for the body and brain.

Spiritual, day of resting from unnecessary chores, talking with my friend on the walk about the divinity of Christ. I believe Christ is God so by definition I am Christian. But I refuse to consider myself a Protestant because I have so much admiration for the Catholic Faith and am not protesting it.

I am not above it but rather outside of it.

I am not new age.

I study alchemy.

The show must go on because this fisad we call life, is nothing but a grand performance that we are all puppets in. Pretty awesome puppets though.

I fought with God today and let Him win. It was better for me in a major decision. And I have more time for my studies which include Thoreau, Mortimer Adler and alchemy primers.

It will take me years to get through my studies. I read one page and I ponder it and then I ponder it some more and look ahead to the chapters discussing it further. And then I ponder it some more. Deep thoughts, light thoughts and everything in between.

I learned that emotions stem from the spiritual self and that thoughts emerge from the mental self. I find this quite interesting to say the least and more pondering tonight as I apply it to my current state which is shame for a few unkind but true words I said today to my adult daughter.

I must go on forgiving myself. Stop pleasing the world. Stop apologizing. Stop now.

So I leave you with as much peace, love and joy as I can muster

Physical, mental and spiritual connections-

Starting to remember my life applying these 3 stages and having fun!

5 – age when I played with red ants and didn’t get bitten then became afraid when people warned me. They were my friends. Physical aspect of this age.

Mental at this age was the anguish I went through over a little girl who threatened to sue me over taking her swing. I was so scared and intimidated!

Spiritual aspect, this was the age I was when I blamed God for breaking my shoelace. First recognition of the Divine.

I am doing this with every important moment of my life.

Peace love and joy to all

Who is God?

There is no way to know the answer to this question. I know He (a limiting term) exists for many reasons. I know He loves me and wants the best for me and for all. I believe Our God (another limiting term) is beyond our knowledge and that our minds would explode if we realized the full nature or entity that God is while in our mortal bodies.

These are my thoughts tonight on my rest day~

God is good, has a perfect sense of humor and listens to our prayers, answering them in His time not ours.

I try to trust the process and do my best each day to do what I believe what God wants of me. And that is enough, it is more than enough. He gave us brains and with these intricate brains we can begin to fathom the greatness of a loving all knowing all powerful Creator of this world and universe.

It is scientifically unable to prove though. So I understand skeptics as I used to be one. But it was just a brief few years of my life and He called me to Him and I answered the call.

I try to live as if God did exist and think often about what is pleasing to Him. Doing good for others is the best thing. And that starts with our families and then and only then can we try to help others. I used to put church and my religious practices above my duties. no more~

they come first and then i can help beyond my home

I was at a friend’s house helping her out and had just shared with her that I was on the verge of a spiritual breakthrough. I went to use the bathroom and discovered the toilet seat needed fixing. I don’t fix things, can barely change a light bulb. But I managed to fix the toilet.

I came back to my friend and simply stated that my prophecy had come true. This is a true anticlimactic story for some but for me it was a spiritual awakening to be able to fix her toilet. I can do little things for God. I can do big things for God. I can do all things for God. I simply imprint upon the universe and the Source of all that is good my intentions and tonight I imprint to be more of a handywoman.

these are my thoughts tonight.

Blessings to all

peace love and joy

My spiritual journey…

Talking about her spiritual journey along the way…

We all have one; or lack of one I suppose.

My earliest memory of believing in God was when I was five and on my way walking to kindergarten. My shoelace broke and my immediate reaction was to blame God. Now looking back I believe He did break it, in order for me to acknowledge what I had never done, to look up.

I was raised Catholic and when a nun couldn’t tell me she was sure if she was going to heaven, I was like, if she isn’t sure, a holy nun, what hope was there for me?

I left the Catholic Faith when I was 16 and became a proclaimed atheist. It was the most miserable time of my life. I was lost, on drugs and living on the streets of New York, panhandling and making punk friends. Our only mission was the next high.

It ended abruptly when reality set in after a fire that was arson on our squat took the life of a good friend, Carrie, a 14 yr old runaway from New Jersey. I was defeated and came home back to my parents who put me in rehab and was released to a twelve step program.

I was taught to follow rules so when I got to the second step about finding a power greater than yourself, I chose the ocean. Within a few days I was like, some entity created the awesome ocean. And my belief in God has never wavered since.

I got saved at a Calvary Chapel and still believe in the saving power of Jesus to this day. They told me to read my bible, so I did and became Catholic again after 6 years.

I embraced Catholicism for twenty years until a little over a month ago I couldn’t follow their teachings anymore so now I am on my own spiritual journey.

Christ is still at the center of my belief system but expanding to more unified sort of churches. And studying alchemy.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

God bless,

Michelle

Unity of spirit and soul~

This is not for the faint heart. It involves much introspection, looking at the parts of yourself that may not be your favorite. Some of it will change if it is possible, other parts will always be there and we need, I need to embrace them rather than run from them.

First is there a difference?

I’m not here to debate that but I found the answer to this unification of spirit and soul that resonated with me…

We are never perfect, nor will we always be in this state except for maybe some great yogi on top of a hill somewhere. But even he or she may be annoyed by the weather at times or a flea biting their foot.

But the way I understand the unity of soul and spirit is a balanced way of life. Embracing the shadows, after breaking down the salts and loving ourselves and others perfectly where they are.

This is not for the faint heart. It involves much introspection, looking at the parts of yourself that may not be your favorite. Some of it will change if it is possible, other parts will always be there and we need, I need to embrace them rather than run from them.

This unification occurs when one is able to do that I believe.

Kind of like being true to yourself but even more than that, actually loving those parts that are not so pretty.

Breaking down the salts for me has been my faith in the catholic church. Letting go of shame and guilt over matters which are questionable.

More to share on this later but for now recognizing that I still have not done this fully. But I will because I am an excellent student with good follow through.

peace, love and joy to all

Michelle

Positive vibes-

Light abounds freely

In this game called life

No more false pride in earning my way to heaven

Good thoughts

With compassion for all especially me

God is good and never gets tired of our requests of which I am content but do pray for healing of our hearts, minds, bodies and for all the world 🌎

Peace love and joy

Michelle

I am…

Positive energy today.

Not letting others bring me down.

Choosing my tomorrow

Keeping my eye on signs from the Source of all that is good.

Peace love and joy

Must relax more but need a lesson in this. I am hot or cold. Productive or not. Black or white. I must start seeing the world as a rainbow 🌈. This is what I choose today!

Checking my status live~

I still have a moral guide which encompasses kindness, compassion, sympathy, empathy, honesty (this one is still hard for me tho), love and forgiveness.

Cuz its all about me! Just kidding!

But feeling the need to do a alchemic scan right now…

Lots going on internally, not so much externally except that it is really hot and kind of drained…

Physical- hot, lethargic, not much activity today due to the heat, vices prominent but no abuse anymore, finally going to get some help for an old injury of my hip. Wish me well please.

Mental- solid, some grief for my parents dying one day maybe soon, have apt. with anticipatory grief therapist for check in but altogether feeling pretty good about my needs mentally.

Spiritual- wishing well on others instead of karma, feeling connected to the Source of all that is good. Rest day today and taking full advantage of a day of not doing very much. Feeling peace in my heart and soul and happy to be alive. No deep meditation today but it is what it is.

I set my intention this month for positive energy only and it’s working. I find myself much more at peace and full of joy and love for all.

The people who have hurt me verdantly or inadvertently need healing so I’m gonna pray hard for those who enjoy it being their job to make others miserable as they are. I find humor in this as it no longer affects me as much.

I started wearing a black tourmaline pendant and ever since clearing it with rock salt water for 24 hours been feeling like it really protects me from all the negativity in the world and my life. Ahh, the power of crystals I am finding very interesting.

Did my harvesting of lavender tincture last night… it’s more subtle smell than I like but others will enjoy it. Going to make the next batch with vodka and let it sit longer. This is my first alchemical experiment! Exciting.

God is love; I am love too.

God is holy; I am holy too.

God is humble; I am humbled by my many missteps

I think this mantra, “I am good, I am holy, I am humbled”. when I am feeling less than due to my time as a catholic and the learned shame for so much, I find myself repeating this mantra. I still have a moral guide which encompasses kindness, compassion, sympathy, empathy, honesty (this one is still hard for me tho), love and forgiveness.

I still hold onto a lot of negative experiences and am looking for ways to release these thoughts from my being. My mentor suggested that I inventory them. Sounds good?

Noooooo, to write down all my mistakes? Maybe need a new mentor as I don’t find that helpful to put it in pen or computer.

Anybody have any suggestions?

peace, love and joy

michelle

Equality for all~

I am naive at times but I like it that way because without this naivety I would have no hope for a better world…

Conflict, disillusionment and greed are all parts of my life and I fight to stay above water to not drown in my disgust of mankind of which I am a part of.

Letting go of shame has been huge. But I still fail, still have flawed thoughts and still make mistakes.

God carries through these difficulties and I am ever so grateful are not words enough. But when I am in the middle of an external or internal crisis I forget about God, who gives me my breath of life, whether it is peaceful or full of angst.

I dream of a world where equality not only exists but of a world where it is welcomed by all.

I refuse to brag about my efforts to make this true; but often I realize later how far I missed my mark in my efforts for altruism, which is unachievable when one thinks of it.

But we can’t let that stop our purpose to bring about needed change in this world. Education is key along with honesty and freedom of speech.

Spiritual alignment goes hand in hand with our deeds.

Yesterday, my dad brought up a difficult memory of which I am still processing. I have my regrets but my love shown forth after this incident when I was 16 is just one example of ignorance and I was on drugs. I don’t want to blame drugs alone for my rebellion but it was a major factor.

I rejected God and all that was good and due to the grace of God I found my way back to Him who made all that is good. I wonder now of my missteps…

I feel pretty set in my ways; but yet I am easily influenced by well pretty much everything.

I was a staunch catholic for 20 years, the last 3 trying to break away, although once I knew that God was calling me to leave the church, I took a spiritual retreat from everything to listen for His quiet voice to lead me and away was certain.

At times I feel lost without the safety of religion; but at the same time I feel free to soar in the ocean of spirituality that is so vast in many dimensions of this world and out of this world.

Things are certainly beyond my control but this force that I call the limitless term God is what keeps me going, I used to think it was my dad but now understand it is God. God. God.

My life is good, but yet it is full of difficulties. I have schizophrneia/schizoaffective disorder and have been psychotic many years ago. I will share more about this in another blog but the messages I received from Him during this time were albeit confusing but have come to pass many of them.

I am not a prophet but I know things somehow and often I feel the Holy Spirit speak through me because I know I didn’t come up with something that profound.

I am on an exploration mission. And I pray for an equal world. Unification at its finest. This is my intention I have decided for 2020. Nothing in politics or religion can solve this; no only the Source of all that is good can bring this about.

It’s about breaking down walls that start with me.

Peace, love and joy

Michelle