Blog

Equality for all~

I am naive at times but I like it that way because without this naivety I would have no hope for a better world…

Conflict, disillusionment and greed are all parts of my life and I fight to stay above water to not drown in my disgust of mankind of which I am a part of.

Letting go of shame has been huge. But I still fail, still have flawed thoughts and still make mistakes.

God carries through these difficulties and I am ever so grateful are not words enough. But when I am in the middle of an external or internal crisis I forget about God, who gives me my breath of life, whether it is peaceful or full of angst.

I dream of a world where equality not only exists but of a world where it is welcomed by all.

I refuse to brag about my efforts to make this true; but often I realize later how far I missed my mark in my efforts for altruism, which is unachievable when one thinks of it.

But we can’t let that stop our purpose to bring about needed change in this world. Education is key along with honesty and freedom of speech.

Spiritual alignment goes hand in hand with our deeds.

Yesterday, my dad brought up a difficult memory of which I am still processing. I have my regrets but my love shown forth after this incident when I was 16 is just one example of ignorance and I was on drugs. I don’t want to blame drugs alone for my rebellion but it was a major factor.

I rejected God and all that was good and due to the grace of God I found my way back to Him who made all that is good. I wonder now of my missteps…

I feel pretty set in my ways; but yet I am easily influenced by well pretty much everything.

I was a staunch catholic for 20 years, the last 3 trying to break away, although once I knew that God was calling me to leave the church, I took a spiritual retreat from everything to listen for His quiet voice to lead me and away was certain.

At times I feel lost without the safety of religion; but at the same time I feel free to soar in the ocean of spirituality that is so vast in many dimensions of this world and out of this world.

Things are certainly beyond my control but this force that I call the limitless term God is what keeps me going, I used to think it was my dad but now understand it is God. God. God.

My life is good, but yet it is full of difficulties. I have schizophrneia/schizoaffective disorder and have been psychotic many years ago. I will share more about this in another blog but the messages I received from Him during this time were albeit confusing but have come to pass many of them.

I am not a prophet but I know things somehow and often I feel the Holy Spirit speak through me because I know I didn’t come up with something that profound.

I am on an exploration mission. And I pray for an equal world. Unification at its finest. This is my intention I have decided for 2020. Nothing in politics or religion can solve this; no only the Source of all that is good can bring this about.

It’s about breaking down walls that start with me.

Peace, love and joy

Michelle

The meaning of life…

I dream of the day when I can enter the spiritual world easier. It’s always there though. As I live and breathe, God is closer than my every breath. He is in me; He is in all of us…

Life has many meanings but for me the meaning of life is connecting with God, the Source of all that is good.

This can be done in multiple ways I have discovered.

It can occur in the quiet of my evenings, or any time of the day. It is a deep sigh of gladness and quiet reflection on the Giver of life.

On the properties of God which I can’t begin to understand or explain.

Unending, unfathomable, unmoving, omnipotent, omnipresent. And who am I but a mere mortal trying to relay a tiny bit of the appreciation I have for God and the life He has given us all.

Here I set my intention for the month of September- positive energy, no complaining, only good vibes this month and every month because that is what I choose for my life. Negativity will be avoided and as situations arise, I will look to God for solutions that are practical and trustworthy.

Reaching God isn’t always easy to do but for me it is like a muscle that grows each time I touch in with Him. Sometimes it takes effort that I don’t always have, sometimes it is through a kind deed on my part or the offering from someone else, perhaps a story that reflects the love of God or nature finds. Also in my animals God has chosen to continue to breathe life.

So much to ponder!

I dream of the day when I can enter the spiritual world easier. It’s always there though. As I live and breathe, God is closer than my every breath. He is in me; He is in all of us…

I consider the perfect position of our planet. Any closer to the sun and we’d all be fried chicken, any further we’d be frozen entrees. Perfection in creation, even if it seems like it is all falling apart.

There is a plan I believe, not that we were made by accident but by design. Any architect attests to the importance of a plan at every stage. I consider my garden and my blooming Echinacea purpurea. Slow, gentle unfolding of a beautiful flower. It’s taking all week to bloom, still green but opening all the same. Strong healthy leaves to support the many blooms upcoming.

I dream that I can reach God somehow, not a ladder but an entry point where I think of nothing else, but so many distractions to getting lost in God- my phone, the dishes, the endless paperwork etc… but trying to turn every moment of my day into a spiritual experience would be difficult for even the most advanced spiritual practioner.

And it would be tiring.

Quite often when I am on the higher plane, God causes me to crash back down. I remember being in heaven (figuratively) in Italy in 2015 at a pilgrimage at San Giovanni Rotondo, the home place of the in corrupt body of Padre Pio. I was soaring in the spiritual realm, being near his body in prayer for hours. Will share full experience in another blog as it deserves it. But after, when I was floating away it felt, a taxi cab driver ripped us off and I was scared because I didn’t know if we would ever get back to our apartment. Things like this happen all the time.

Anyone have any suggestions for how to come back to the earth we abide in without such shock?

peace love and joy

Michelle

What is life?

Each day we each wake up with the same 24 hours- to do or not to do many things. What did you accomplish today that you are proud of?

Life is interesting for sure. We can be spectators or we can be a part of things; it is our choice. But what is the essence of life?

Alive, free to stumble or soar…

vida in spanish. la vida

Very important the life we have each and every one of us on this planet and beyond…

Life is precious because the Source of all life wishes it so.

Each day we each wake up with the same 24 hours- to do or not to do many things. What did you accomplish today that you are proud of?

I am proud of my day and am ending it on a good note.

Quiet meditation, relaxing music, candles, prayers, positive thoughts surround me tonight.

I am at peace.

I am no longer strangled by the limits of religion.

I am set free to soar and I feel like I am flying.

I’m not even high.

I appreciate life so much because I have not always wanted to live; in fact I was suicidal when a teen and even recently due to a mental health disorder and addiction issues mixed with marital stress, job stress, money stress. And now it has all gone away.

We think or at least I do, that one phase of my life will last forever, but it never does. It is good right now and I’ll take this breather from dramas that often afflict me. all is well, everything is sound.

Don’t know if this blog is of interest to anybody else but it is cathartic to me to write and share all I find on the way, but that would be way too many blogs to write every way I see and feel God. We relax in the heart of God, because it is safe there, even when the rest of the world is at odds.

So life for me is everything and I hope I live a long time because I have much to do but the day He calls me home I will be happy too~ to finally meet this wonderful Creator of heaven and earth…

Peace, love and joy,

Write anytime javnmich@gmail.com

Michelle

p.s. I hugged a tree today, a really big tree! Lives embracing…

show must go on~

I must go on forgiving myself. Stop pleasing the world. Stop apologizing. Stop now.

i haven’t been my usual giving self lately

I believe in God but am still shamed into believing that I am not good enough on many levels. I must let this go. now, now now

I don’t know the alchemical process this involves. I am doing all I can to be complete, physical, mental and spiritual.

I can’t let go that I am not the worse sinner to ever live.

I could list a litany of infractions, dishonesty being at the top.

I am a people pleaser and when I think of it try to be a God pleaser. But it gets tiring.

Today was one of those days. Tried to pump up some enthusiasm for my adult daughter’s tic toc video of us making goat’s milk soap, lavender with petals for relaxation and scrubbing, and also cinnamon coffee oatmeal kind as well.

It is a very relaxing process and the result yields many months of good smelling soap.

This is my physical alchemy for the day.

Mental- took a long walk with a friend at the park, good for the body and brain.

Spiritual, day of resting from unnecessary chores, talking with my friend on the walk about the divinity of Christ. I believe Christ is God so by definition I am Christian. But I refuse to consider myself a Protestant because I have so much admiration for the Catholic Faith and am not protesting it.

I am not above it but rather outside of it.

I am not new age.

I study alchemy.

The show must go on because this fisad we call life, is nothing but a grand performance that we are all puppets in. Pretty awesome puppets though.

I fought with God today and let Him win. It was better for me in a major decision. And I have more time for my studies which include Thoreau, Mortimer Adler and alchemy primers.

It will take me years to get through my studies. I read one page and I ponder it and then I ponder it some more and look ahead to the chapters discussing it further. And then I ponder it some more. Deep thoughts, light thoughts and everything in between.

I learned that emotions stem from the spiritual self and that thoughts emerge from the mental self. I find this quite interesting to say the least and more pondering tonight as I apply it to my current state which is shame for a few unkind but true words I said today to my adult daughter.

I must go on forgiving myself. Stop pleasing the world. Stop apologizing. Stop now.

So I leave you with as much peace, love and joy as I can muster

Our paths are different~

My path is my own as is yours.

We all have something to offer this world.

I like to put it out here on my blogs…

I remember my earliest experience with believing in God. I had been taught about Him, but it wasn’t real to me until one day on my way to kindergarten, my shoelace broke. I was in a hurry and it was such a big deal. I blamed God for the poor timing and then felt bad. I was around 5.

Didn’t think too much about Him except to rebel and become an atheist at the age of 17. I convinced others in my desolate time. Can’t help it. I got an A in persuasion in my speech class in college. How I loved to give speeches while I would take a bath and practice and practice.

But I don’t want this blog, which is coming to birth slowly, to persuade anybody of anything. I just want to share my experience with getting to know God, the Source of all that is good; this spiritual journey that I am on I am so excited to share. I don’t know where I will end up but through my sharing of my path, I will get somewhere and I am at peace with that.

I have studied many religions in my life and any religion that is convinced theirs is the only way just doesn’t resonate with my soul at this stage in my life.

I do believe in Christ, so got that base covered. How terrible that sentence sounds rereading it. But I am not going to change a word. God knows and I need say nothing more.

We have some sort of deal; I ask for guidance and then let the cards unfold. Some days I don’t know what to do next and when I remember that is when I ask the Holy Spirit to guide me to things that matter.

What a waste is chatter but I guess it serves a purpose somewhere.

Now I have nothing left to say tonight. Had a very busy day at home and going to relax and watch a rom com with my daughter. Going to take a break and enjoy myself thinking of nothing spiritual until later.

Godspeed

Physical, mental and spiritual connections-

Starting to remember my life applying these 3 stages and having fun!

5 – age when I played with red ants and didn’t get bitten then became afraid when people warned me. They were my friends. Physical aspect of this age.

Mental at this age was the anguish I went through over a little girl who threatened to sue me over taking her swing. I was so scared and intimidated!

Spiritual aspect, this was the age I was when I blamed God for breaking my shoelace. First recognition of the Divine.

I am doing this with every important moment of my life.

Peace love and joy to all

Alchemy visited~

I am not called to great things, yet I aspire much, not for material things but inner peace that cannot be moved….

currently in the blackening stage, the breaking down of my salts which are beliefs I have held my whole life that I am now ready to let go of. Making a list of things I want to change about myself and been working so much on myself these past years that the only thing that I could come up with is my negative self talk.

I am what I am and my beliefs are personal and we all know what we know yet may learn from one another about different things. I am not the worst sinner to live as I once thought. Sure I miss the mark at times, but hold my head high believing in the saving Grace of God.

I am not special, yet I am unique

I am not called to great things, yet I aspire much, not for material things but inner peace that cannot be moved….

It’s a simple life I choose today.

peace, love and joy on this path, led by the light that will never go out…

thank you for joining me for a bit.

Who is God?

There is no way to know the answer to this question. I know He (a limiting term) exists for many reasons. I know He loves me and wants the best for me and for all. I believe Our God (another limiting term) is beyond our knowledge and that our minds would explode if we realized the full nature or entity that God is while in our mortal bodies.

These are my thoughts tonight on my rest day~

God is good, has a perfect sense of humor and listens to our prayers, answering them in His time not ours.

I try to trust the process and do my best each day to do what I believe what God wants of me. And that is enough, it is more than enough. He gave us brains and with these intricate brains we can begin to fathom the greatness of a loving all knowing all powerful Creator of this world and universe.

It is scientifically unable to prove though. So I understand skeptics as I used to be one. But it was just a brief few years of my life and He called me to Him and I answered the call.

I try to live as if God did exist and think often about what is pleasing to Him. Doing good for others is the best thing. And that starts with our families and then and only then can we try to help others. I used to put church and my religious practices above my duties. no more~

they come first and then i can help beyond my home

I was at a friend’s house helping her out and had just shared with her that I was on the verge of a spiritual breakthrough. I went to use the bathroom and discovered the toilet seat needed fixing. I don’t fix things, can barely change a light bulb. But I managed to fix the toilet.

I came back to my friend and simply stated that my prophecy had come true. This is a true anticlimactic story for some but for me it was a spiritual awakening to be able to fix her toilet. I can do little things for God. I can do big things for God. I can do all things for God. I simply imprint upon the universe and the Source of all that is good my intentions and tonight I imprint to be more of a handywoman.

these are my thoughts tonight.

Blessings to all

peace love and joy

Mood scan~

Mood-

physical- (worked out 30 minutes and walked 2 miles), feel good tired not fatigued after my evening workout and walk.

mental- I’m good, exercise helps that and supplements

spiritual- a little lost right now. So much for freedom from religion. saying set prayers ritually is a mindless activity, but for someone like me, provides a routine which I miss. Might make up some prayers for every day of the week and that way they will be new and fresh. I can do this right now. Still intrigued by alchemy but today read a derogatory comment that upset me about God. I prayed for this person. It used to be me after all.

Watched a beautiful short video that helped me to avoid judging others. We really don’t know what other’s have been through so should never judge.

More on this on a later blog.

Blessings be to you all in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Source, The Almighty, God, Nature and this humble servant of God. Guess I’m not really humble…ha ha. We shall never know for sure, it’s that circle of life humility is.

peace love and joy

My spiritual journey…

Talking about her spiritual journey along the way…

We all have one; or lack of one I suppose.

My earliest memory of believing in God was when I was five and on my way walking to kindergarten. My shoelace broke and my immediate reaction was to blame God. Now looking back I believe He did break it, in order for me to acknowledge what I had never done, to look up.

I was raised Catholic and when a nun couldn’t tell me she was sure if she was going to heaven, I was like, if she isn’t sure, a holy nun, what hope was there for me?

I left the Catholic Faith when I was 16 and became a proclaimed atheist. It was the most miserable time of my life. I was lost, on drugs and living on the streets of New York, panhandling and making punk friends. Our only mission was the next high.

It ended abruptly when reality set in after a fire that was arson on our squat took the life of a good friend, Carrie, a 14 yr old runaway from New Jersey. I was defeated and came home back to my parents who put me in rehab and was released to a twelve step program.

I was taught to follow rules so when I got to the second step about finding a power greater than yourself, I chose the ocean. Within a few days I was like, some entity created the awesome ocean. And my belief in God has never wavered since.

I got saved at a Calvary Chapel and still believe in the saving power of Jesus to this day. They told me to read my bible, so I did and became Catholic again after 6 years.

I embraced Catholicism for twenty years until a little over a month ago I couldn’t follow their teachings anymore so now I am on my own spiritual journey.

Christ is still at the center of my belief system but expanding to more unified sort of churches. And studying alchemy.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

God bless,

Michelle