Musings of the night…

I want to occupy my thoughts on God and His wonderful plan for me and my family, friends and heck the whole world to those who are ready to receive His many blessings.

I put things out there and if they are meant to be they surface.

I seem to attract money, which is cool, but we used to be poor so it is hard to spend money these days. I have need of nothing except grandchildren and a jacuzzi. Don’t know if I will get either.

Life is not about money though.

Been doing really well with releasing negative thoughts. Everytime they arise I just think, I am releasing and now they are gone before they occupy any space in my head.

I want to occupy my thoughts on God and His wonderful plan for me and my family, friends and heck the whole world to those who are ready to receive His many blessings.

I don’t believe in luck, nor coincidence; although it is tempting to relinquish these thoughts I hold of it all being about God and His plan for all who are good.

peace, love an joy


I am…

Positive energy today.

Not letting others bring me down.

Choosing my tomorrow

Keeping my eye on signs from the Source of all that is good.

Peace love and joy

Must relax more but need a lesson in this. I am hot or cold. Productive or not. Black or white. I must start seeing the world as a rainbow 🌈. This is what I choose today!

Checking my status live~

I still have a moral guide which encompasses kindness, compassion, sympathy, empathy, honesty (this one is still hard for me tho), love and forgiveness.

Cuz its all about me! Just kidding!

But feeling the need to do a alchemic scan right now…

Lots going on internally, not so much externally except that it is really hot and kind of drained…

Physical- hot, lethargic, not much activity today due to the heat, vices prominent but no abuse anymore, finally going to get some help for an old injury of my hip. Wish me well please.

Mental- solid, some grief for my parents dying one day maybe soon, have apt. with anticipatory grief therapist for check in but altogether feeling pretty good about my needs mentally.

Spiritual- wishing well on others instead of karma, feeling connected to the Source of all that is good. Rest day today and taking full advantage of a day of not doing very much. Feeling peace in my heart and soul and happy to be alive. No deep meditation today but it is what it is.

I set my intention this month for positive energy only and it’s working. I find myself much more at peace and full of joy and love for all.

The people who have hurt me verdantly or inadvertently need healing so I’m gonna pray hard for those who enjoy it being their job to make others miserable as they are. I find humor in this as it no longer affects me as much.

I started wearing a black tourmaline pendant and ever since clearing it with rock salt water for 24 hours been feeling like it really protects me from all the negativity in the world and my life. Ahh, the power of crystals I am finding very interesting.

Did my harvesting of lavender tincture last night… it’s more subtle smell than I like but others will enjoy it. Going to make the next batch with vodka and let it sit longer. This is my first alchemical experiment! Exciting.

God is love; I am love too.

God is holy; I am holy too.

God is humble; I am humbled by my many missteps

I think this mantra, “I am good, I am holy, I am humbled”. when I am feeling less than due to my time as a catholic and the learned shame for so much, I find myself repeating this mantra. I still have a moral guide which encompasses kindness, compassion, sympathy, empathy, honesty (this one is still hard for me tho), love and forgiveness.

I still hold onto a lot of negative experiences and am looking for ways to release these thoughts from my being. My mentor suggested that I inventory them. Sounds good?

Noooooo, to write down all my mistakes? Maybe need a new mentor as I don’t find that helpful to put it in pen or computer.

Anybody have any suggestions?

peace, love and joy


Equality for all~

I am naive at times but I like it that way because without this naivety I would have no hope for a better world…

Conflict, disillusionment and greed are all parts of my life and I fight to stay above water to not drown in my disgust of mankind of which I am a part of.

Letting go of shame has been huge. But I still fail, still have flawed thoughts and still make mistakes.

God carries through these difficulties and I am ever so grateful are not words enough. But when I am in the middle of an external or internal crisis I forget about God, who gives me my breath of life, whether it is peaceful or full of angst.

I dream of a world where equality not only exists but of a world where it is welcomed by all.

I refuse to brag about my efforts to make this true; but often I realize later how far I missed my mark in my efforts for altruism, which is unachievable when one thinks of it.

But we can’t let that stop our purpose to bring about needed change in this world. Education is key along with honesty and freedom of speech.

Spiritual alignment goes hand in hand with our deeds.

Yesterday, my dad brought up a difficult memory of which I am still processing. I have my regrets but my love shown forth after this incident when I was 16 is just one example of ignorance and I was on drugs. I don’t want to blame drugs alone for my rebellion but it was a major factor.

I rejected God and all that was good and due to the grace of God I found my way back to Him who made all that is good. I wonder now of my missteps…

I feel pretty set in my ways; but yet I am easily influenced by well pretty much everything.

I was a staunch catholic for 20 years, the last 3 trying to break away, although once I knew that God was calling me to leave the church, I took a spiritual retreat from everything to listen for His quiet voice to lead me and away was certain.

At times I feel lost without the safety of religion; but at the same time I feel free to soar in the ocean of spirituality that is so vast in many dimensions of this world and out of this world.

Things are certainly beyond my control but this force that I call the limitless term God is what keeps me going, I used to think it was my dad but now understand it is God. God. God.

My life is good, but yet it is full of difficulties. I have schizophrneia/schizoaffective disorder and have been psychotic many years ago. I will share more about this in another blog but the messages I received from Him during this time were albeit confusing but have come to pass many of them.

I am not a prophet but I know things somehow and often I feel the Holy Spirit speak through me because I know I didn’t come up with something that profound.

I am on an exploration mission. And I pray for an equal world. Unification at its finest. This is my intention I have decided for 2020. Nothing in politics or religion can solve this; no only the Source of all that is good can bring this about.

It’s about breaking down walls that start with me.

Peace, love and joy


The meaning of life…

I dream of the day when I can enter the spiritual world easier. It’s always there though. As I live and breathe, God is closer than my every breath. He is in me; He is in all of us…

Life has many meanings but for me the meaning of life is connecting with God, the Source of all that is good.

This can be done in multiple ways I have discovered.

It can occur in the quiet of my evenings, or any time of the day. It is a deep sigh of gladness and quiet reflection on the Giver of life.

On the properties of God which I can’t begin to understand or explain.

Unending, unfathomable, unmoving, omnipotent, omnipresent. And who am I but a mere mortal trying to relay a tiny bit of the appreciation I have for God and the life He has given us all.

Here I set my intention for the month of September- positive energy, no complaining, only good vibes this month and every month because that is what I choose for my life. Negativity will be avoided and as situations arise, I will look to God for solutions that are practical and trustworthy.

Reaching God isn’t always easy to do but for me it is like a muscle that grows each time I touch in with Him. Sometimes it takes effort that I don’t always have, sometimes it is through a kind deed on my part or the offering from someone else, perhaps a story that reflects the love of God or nature finds. Also in my animals God has chosen to continue to breathe life.

So much to ponder!

I dream of the day when I can enter the spiritual world easier. It’s always there though. As I live and breathe, God is closer than my every breath. He is in me; He is in all of us…

I consider the perfect position of our planet. Any closer to the sun and we’d all be fried chicken, any further we’d be frozen entrees. Perfection in creation, even if it seems like it is all falling apart.

There is a plan I believe, not that we were made by accident but by design. Any architect attests to the importance of a plan at every stage. I consider my garden and my blooming Echinacea purpurea. Slow, gentle unfolding of a beautiful flower. It’s taking all week to bloom, still green but opening all the same. Strong healthy leaves to support the many blooms upcoming.

I dream that I can reach God somehow, not a ladder but an entry point where I think of nothing else, but so many distractions to getting lost in God- my phone, the dishes, the endless paperwork etc… but trying to turn every moment of my day into a spiritual experience would be difficult for even the most advanced spiritual practioner.

And it would be tiring.

Quite often when I am on the higher plane, God causes me to crash back down. I remember being in heaven (figuratively) in Italy in 2015 at a pilgrimage at San Giovanni Rotondo, the home place of the in corrupt body of Padre Pio. I was soaring in the spiritual realm, being near his body in prayer for hours. Will share full experience in another blog as it deserves it. But after, when I was floating away it felt, a taxi cab driver ripped us off and I was scared because I didn’t know if we would ever get back to our apartment. Things like this happen all the time.

Anyone have any suggestions for how to come back to the earth we abide in without such shock?

peace love and joy


What is life?

Each day we each wake up with the same 24 hours- to do or not to do many things. What did you accomplish today that you are proud of?

Life is interesting for sure. We can be spectators or we can be a part of things; it is our choice. But what is the essence of life?

Alive, free to stumble or soar…

vida in spanish. la vida

Very important the life we have each and every one of us on this planet and beyond…

Life is precious because the Source of all life wishes it so.

Each day we each wake up with the same 24 hours- to do or not to do many things. What did you accomplish today that you are proud of?

I am proud of my day and am ending it on a good note.

Quiet meditation, relaxing music, candles, prayers, positive thoughts surround me tonight.

I am at peace.

I am no longer strangled by the limits of religion.

I am set free to soar and I feel like I am flying.

I’m not even high.

I appreciate life so much because I have not always wanted to live; in fact I was suicidal when a teen and even recently due to a mental health disorder and addiction issues mixed with marital stress, job stress, money stress. And now it has all gone away.

We think or at least I do, that one phase of my life will last forever, but it never does. It is good right now and I’ll take this breather from dramas that often afflict me. all is well, everything is sound.

Don’t know if this blog is of interest to anybody else but it is cathartic to me to write and share all I find on the way, but that would be way too many blogs to write every way I see and feel God. We relax in the heart of God, because it is safe there, even when the rest of the world is at odds.

So life for me is everything and I hope I live a long time because I have much to do but the day He calls me home I will be happy too~ to finally meet this wonderful Creator of heaven and earth…

Peace, love and joy,

Write anytime


p.s. I hugged a tree today, a really big tree! Lives embracing…

show must go on~

I must go on forgiving myself. Stop pleasing the world. Stop apologizing. Stop now.

i haven’t been my usual giving self lately

I believe in God but am still shamed into believing that I am not good enough on many levels. I must let this go. now, now now

I don’t know the alchemical process this involves. I am doing all I can to be complete, physical, mental and spiritual.

I can’t let go that I am not the worse sinner to ever live.

I could list a litany of infractions, dishonesty being at the top.

I am a people pleaser and when I think of it try to be a God pleaser. But it gets tiring.

Today was one of those days. Tried to pump up some enthusiasm for my adult daughter’s tic toc video of us making goat’s milk soap, lavender with petals for relaxation and scrubbing, and also cinnamon coffee oatmeal kind as well.

It is a very relaxing process and the result yields many months of good smelling soap.

This is my physical alchemy for the day.

Mental- took a long walk with a friend at the park, good for the body and brain.

Spiritual, day of resting from unnecessary chores, talking with my friend on the walk about the divinity of Christ. I believe Christ is God so by definition I am Christian. But I refuse to consider myself a Protestant because I have so much admiration for the Catholic Faith and am not protesting it.

I am not above it but rather outside of it.

I am not new age.

I study alchemy.

The show must go on because this fisad we call life, is nothing but a grand performance that we are all puppets in. Pretty awesome puppets though.

I fought with God today and let Him win. It was better for me in a major decision. And I have more time for my studies which include Thoreau, Mortimer Adler and alchemy primers.

It will take me years to get through my studies. I read one page and I ponder it and then I ponder it some more and look ahead to the chapters discussing it further. And then I ponder it some more. Deep thoughts, light thoughts and everything in between.

I learned that emotions stem from the spiritual self and that thoughts emerge from the mental self. I find this quite interesting to say the least and more pondering tonight as I apply it to my current state which is shame for a few unkind but true words I said today to my adult daughter.

I must go on forgiving myself. Stop pleasing the world. Stop apologizing. Stop now.

So I leave you with as much peace, love and joy as I can muster

Our paths are different~

My path is my own as is yours.

We all have something to offer this world.

I like to put it out here on my blogs…

I remember my earliest experience with believing in God. I had been taught about Him, but it wasn’t real to me until one day on my way to kindergarten, my shoelace broke. I was in a hurry and it was such a big deal. I blamed God for the poor timing and then felt bad. I was around 5.

Didn’t think too much about Him except to rebel and become an atheist at the age of 17. I convinced others in my desolate time. Can’t help it. I got an A in persuasion in my speech class in college. How I loved to give speeches while I would take a bath and practice and practice.

But I don’t want this blog, which is coming to birth slowly, to persuade anybody of anything. I just want to share my experience with getting to know God, the Source of all that is good; this spiritual journey that I am on I am so excited to share. I don’t know where I will end up but through my sharing of my path, I will get somewhere and I am at peace with that.

I have studied many religions in my life and any religion that is convinced theirs is the only way just doesn’t resonate with my soul at this stage in my life.

I do believe in Christ, so got that base covered. How terrible that sentence sounds rereading it. But I am not going to change a word. God knows and I need say nothing more.

We have some sort of deal; I ask for guidance and then let the cards unfold. Some days I don’t know what to do next and when I remember that is when I ask the Holy Spirit to guide me to things that matter.

What a waste is chatter but I guess it serves a purpose somewhere.

Now I have nothing left to say tonight. Had a very busy day at home and going to relax and watch a rom com with my daughter. Going to take a break and enjoy myself thinking of nothing spiritual until later.


Physical, mental and spiritual connections-

Starting to remember my life applying these 3 stages and having fun!

5 – age when I played with red ants and didn’t get bitten then became afraid when people warned me. They were my friends. Physical aspect of this age.

Mental at this age was the anguish I went through over a little girl who threatened to sue me over taking her swing. I was so scared and intimidated!

Spiritual aspect, this was the age I was when I blamed God for breaking my shoelace. First recognition of the Divine.

I am doing this with every important moment of my life.

Peace love and joy to all

Alchemy visited~

I am not called to great things, yet I aspire much, not for material things but inner peace that cannot be moved….

currently in the blackening stage, the breaking down of my salts which are beliefs I have held my whole life that I am now ready to let go of. Making a list of things I want to change about myself and been working so much on myself these past years that the only thing that I could come up with is my negative self talk.

I am what I am and my beliefs are personal and we all know what we know yet may learn from one another about different things. I am not the worst sinner to live as I once thought. Sure I miss the mark at times, but hold my head high believing in the saving Grace of God.

I am not special, yet I am unique

I am not called to great things, yet I aspire much, not for material things but inner peace that cannot be moved….

It’s a simple life I choose today.

peace, love and joy on this path, led by the light that will never go out…

thank you for joining me for a bit.